“Don’t you ever feel that— that you just need to get away? From everything? That it’s all too much?”
– Tana French, In The Woods
(written April 2016)
It’s funny how things sort of collapse in threes, isn’t it? My life decided it really needed to burst over the past couple of weeks.
I failed an essay. I got dumped by Someone over instant message after a year together on a Sunday night before a massive Human Biology test. My emotions hit an all-time low and I ate a kilo of peanut M&Ms over three days whilst chronic fatigue turned me into a zombie. Then there was thunderstorm which cut power to half of the city so I couldn’t hang out with the only two people who tolerate me for a pick-me-up.
First off, who dumps someone over instant message? On the night before a massive test you know they’ve been panicking about? Like, what in the actual hell?
It makes sense of course, They were always such a big drama queen. Everything had to be about Them all the time— literally. It’s a good thing They’re gone because They really need to grow the fuck up and get over themselves.
And anyway, I was way out of Their league.
It was a kick to the teeth, though. It feels like nobody wants anything to do with me. Nobody wants to be my friend at college. I walk through the corridors like an obese poltergeist; unable to keep my mouth shut and unable to keep myself from causing problems. I am both loud and shy.
I’m a nuisance.
I finished my first term of second year feeling like a freak, a failure, and an all-round piece of absolute rubbish.
Now I’m a fortnight’s break— although I have to spend a week of it studying for exams. I’ve also got three over-the-holidays assignments to do. One of them is a joint project but I have no idea whether the person I was assigned to do it with will even contribute, so I might as well just do it myself.
Bad things occur in threes, so it seems naturally that good things should occur in threes, too, right?
- My new-to-me laptop arrived. It’s not the best but hey, laptop?
- My dropkick, mostly-absent father finally got me a birthday present of four $50 notes.
- I’m on break.
Turtle Dove 